Hear ye, hear ye — it’s time for some medieval humor! These middle age puns are witty, punny, and guaranteed to have you jousting with laughter. From knights and castles to kings, queens, and dragons, this collection is packed with wordplay straight out of the history books.
Perfect for history buffs, fantasy fans, or anyone who enjoys a good groan-worthy pun, these jokes bring a medieval twist to modern comedy. Whether you’re crafting a clever caption, telling jokes at a party, or just in the mood for something quirky, these puns will make your humor reign supreme.
So grab your sword, don your armor, and get ready to laugh your way through this ultimate list of middle age puns that truly slay. ⚔️👑✨
Knight to Remember
I’m feeling a little knight-headed.
Armor up — it’s gonna be pun-ishing.
Chivalry isn’t dead, it’s just on horse break.
Knight owl by nature.
A knight in shining dad jokes.
Sword fights? More like word fights.
I’m not late, I’m on knight time.
Stay calm and lance on.
I was born to knight.
The pun stops here, sire.
Castle Life Chronicles
My house has a moat — talk about curb appeal.
Home is where the drawbridge drops.
This castle has excellent turret service.
I’m kind of a big throne deal.
I like my ceilings vaulted and my halls haunted.
Welcome to the manor of puns.
We’re just wingin’ it — one tower at a time.
Castle sweet castle.
Fortified by caffeine and sarcasm.
Don’t gatekeep me, portcullis!
Damsels with the Drama
I’m not in distress, I’m just over this dress.
Saving myself, thanks.
Who needs a knight when you’ve got inner power?
Mirror, mirror — I’m the drama.
Castle-core influencer since 1342.
Can’t talk, doing medieval hot girl stuff.
Hair so long, it has its own zip code.
Slayed a dragon and my eyeliner.
The only tower I’m trapped in is emotional.
Crown me already.
Dragons & Drama Flames
I breathe fire when I don’t get snacks.
Dragon my feet today.
Scale it back — I’m tired.
Feeling burnt out? Must be dragon vibes.
I’m not mean. I’m just fiercely mythical.
Let’s make it a flameous occasion.
This roast is dragon-level spicy.
Wyvern you gonna chill?
I’m winging it — literally.
Let’s talon ’bout it later.
Wizards, Spells & Witty Wands
Just a wand-erful day in the kingdom.
I can’t adult, I’m busy summoning vibes.
10/10 wizard, would spell again.
Accio attention!
My love language is arcane.
Wand and done.
Sorcery > spreadsheets.
I didn’t choose the wand life — it chose me.
Cauldrons are just medieval crockpots.
Spellbound by these puns.
Joust Another Day
You joust got served!
Let’s lance this up a notch.
I joust wanna have fun.
Tilting into chaos again.
Don’t lance-shame me.
I came, I saw, I jousted.
I’m pointy on purpose.
Joust sayin’…
My joust game? Impeccable.
This knight slaps (with a lance).
Chainmail & Chill
You had me at “full armor set.”
My inbox? Just chainmail.
Links and drinks, anyone?
Ring-ring — it’s 1390 calling.
I like my armor like my humor: heavy and protective.
Got steel? I do.
Chainmail is the medieval hoodie.
Knights slide into my DMs via scroll.
Can’t flex — chainmail is too tight.
Armor so strong, even Cupid’s arrows bounce off.
Squires & Side Quests
My vibe? Squire-core.
Just a boy with a bucket and a dream.
Sir Caffeine needs his brew.
Every knight starts with a humble fetch quest.
My emotional support falcon left me.
I live to assist, and assist I shall.
Not all heroes wear capes. Some carry chamber pots.
Ready to be overlooked in legends.
You call it chores, I call it knight training.
I knight not, but I squire always.
Feast Mode Activated
I feast, therefore I am.
Goblets up, peasants!
Pass the mead and the drama.
I like my bread stale and my turkey massive.
Cheweth softly, slayeth hard.
Dinner is coming.
Forks? Never heard of her.
Goblin mode? More like goblet mode.
Medieval food: 10/10, would joust for seconds.
Feast your eyes… then your face.
Ye Olde Pickup Lines
Art thou Google? For thou hast everything I seek.
Are you a scroll? Because I’m drawn to you.
Is your name Excalibur? Because you slay.
Did it hurt? When you fell from the battlements?
You light up my heart like a dragon’s sneeze.
Wanna check out my stronghold?
I’d joust for you.
You’re the only one who makes my chainmail rattle.
That tunic looks ravishing on you.
You put the “my liege” in “please date me.”
Rest & Royal Naps
I’m on a knight shift nap.
Pillow fights? We joust gently.
Wake me when the plague ends.
Dreaming of castles and casseroles.
I sleep like a noble — dramatically.
My canopy bed has better coverage than my WiFi.
Nap thyself before thou snap thyself.
Even kings need cozy.
Knighty night, peasants.
Zzzzzounds!
Scroll-Worthy Wordplay
My to-do list is written in calligraphy.
I only sign documents in dragon ink.
Scrollin’ through these vibes.
Papyrus is my personality.
My handwriting is cursed — literally.
Scribe energy only.
The pen is mightier… if enchanted.
“Just a quick note” — 17 feet long.
I wrote my thesis on goats and glory.
Spellcheck? I use spell scrolls.
Medi-evil Mishaps
Oops, I summoned the wrong demon again.
I spilled mead on the tapestry.
Sorry I accidentally challenged the duke to a duel.
Lost my sword… again.
Tripped over the jester.
Burned the bread AND the witch.
My horse has ghosted me.
Forgot to chant “abracadabra” — now I’m a frog.
Accidentally cursed the cows.
Fell asleep in the stocks. Again.
Dark Ages, Dark Humor
My mood? Black Plague-core.
I’m dead inside… like half the village.
The vibe is pestilence with a touch of pettiness.
Laughed so hard I got leprosy.
Too blessed to be stressed… but still infected.
That joke killed. Literally.
I’m not a morning person — I’m a mourning person.
Feelin’ plaguey and flaky.
That’s so bubonic of you.
Woke up with a medieval headache (aka, decapitation).
Pasture Prime
That grass is greener on the feudal side.
Cows are just medieval lawnmowers.
Livin’ la vida livestock.
I plow, therefore I thrive.
Goat your back.
Hay girl, hay.
Ewe complete me.
Crop it like it’s hot.
Farm to feast realness.
I’m field-tested and falcon-approved.
Money & Merchants
This tunic was five shillings — a steal.
I got 99 problems and they’re all taxed.
Crypto? I prefer gold coins under my mattress.
Shop local: from ye olde vendor.
Haggled my way into debt.
Put it on the royal tab.
Mint condition? It’s literally from the mint.
“Sale” means I throw chickens in for free.
Invest in spices. Always.
You can’t buy love… unless it’s in silk.
Theatre & Bard Banter
Thou art the drama.
This scene? 10/10 tragedy.
I auditioned for Hamlet. I got “peasant #4.”
Acting? Nay — overreacting!
My iambs are pent-up.
I soliloquy, therefore I am.
The stage was plaguey, but I still slayed.
All the world’s a stage… except the stocks.
Ye olde Broadway, but make it broadsword.
Now showing: Much Ado About Nothin’ Again.
Horseplay & Stable Humor
Talk derby to me.
This horse is my therapist.
Giddy-up, emotionally.
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a horse, asking it not to throw me.
Neigh means neigh.
Hay there, handsome.
Saddled with feelings.
That horse has better hair than me.
We gallop in peace.
I don’t date—just trot through life.
Ye Olde Dating Scene
It’s not ghosting if they ride off on a horse.
Swipe right on scrolls.
Looking for love in all the wrong castles.
My type? Breathing and noble.
He said he’d duel for me… but flaked.
Looking for a knight with stable emotions.
Love spells never last past the full moon.
Jesters are fun till they cheat.
Her love language is Latin and loot.
Dating? I’d rather be in the dungeon.
Closing Time at Ye Tavern
Mead me halfway.
Pour decisions ahead.
Bar tab longer than the Magna Carta.
One more round ‘fore the next crusade.
Drink like it’s 1399.
I came for ale, stayed for chaos.
Knights who say “last call!”
Drunk on power and potions.
Cheers, peasant.
Tavern brawls build character.
Conclusion
From swordplay to scroll shade, court crushes to cauldron crises, we hope these 235+ Middle Age puns have you cackling like a castle jester. Because in a world full of dragons, sometimes the sharpest weapon is your wit. 🐉💥
So whether you live in a turret of sarcasm or just crave a knight-in-punny armor:
🗣️ Share thy favorite joke in the town square (aka comments)
🔗 Send to thy fellow jesters-in-arms
🌐 And visit PunsPlanet.com for more pun-omenal mirth and medieval mayhem!
