Whether you cheer for England or just enjoy a good laugh at their penalty shootouts, these England Football Team Jokes are an absolute goal! ⚽😆 Packed with clever puns, playful roasts, and football humor that even the Three Lions would chuckle at, this collection is pure comedy from kickoff to extra time. Perfect for pub banter, matchday memes, or light-hearted rivalry laughs — because win or lose, the humor always scores! 🏆😂
🦁 Three Lions, One Laugh
Why did the lion join the team? For the roaring fans.
Three Lions but only one punchline.
Gareth South-gag.
The lions may roar, but these jokes pounce.
Can’t handle the pride.
More roars, less scores.
That team’s got pawssion.
Mane attraction.
Clawed their way to the finals.
Three Lions and 300 heart attacks.
👟 It’s Coming Pun
It’s coming pun… it’s coming pun…
England fans in 2030: Still waiting.
The only thing coming home is the remote.
VAR says it’s offside… again.
Punned it like Beckham.
Hope’s on replay.
We believe! (Until the 89th minute).
I Kane’t believe it!
Every year, same dream, different meme.
It’s coming… eventually.
⚽ Kickin’ It Old School
Back when Rooney ruled.
Beckham’s curls and curls.
Terry-fying defense.
Lampard lit it up.
Gerrard of glory.
Old-school studs, new-school duds.
Shinguards and shin-puns.
Euro nostalgia, fresh jokes.
Backpass to the funny.
Offside, but on point.
🧤 Keep Calm and Keeper On
Jordan Pickpuns.
Safe hands, sharp gags.
That save was goal-ded.
The gloves are on — and so are the jokes.
Dive into humor.
Save of the season? This pun.
No clean sheets in comedy.
The punchlines are strong.
He’s got reflexes and reflex-tion jokes.
Shot stopper, pun popper.
⚽ Forward Thinking
Kane you feel the laughs tonight?
Rashford? More like Laughford.
Saka-punch of humor.
Foden? I barely know ’im.
Our forwards bring punch and punchlines.
Stirling effort, Sterling puns.
Shots fired (into row Z).
Goal-scoring AND joke-luring.
He’s got one boot and two jokes.
Front foot in fun.
🧠 Midfield Maestros
Belling-ha-ha!
Mount up the laughter.
Phillips? More like Fill-ips of humor.
Control the game, control the giggle.
Midfield generals, pun colonels.
Declan Rice serves it with spice.
Passing and punning.
The link between jokes and goals.
Dictating the game and the giggle.
Witty in possession.
🛡️ Defensive Laughs
Maguire? More like Mag-laughs.
Stones skipping jokes into the box.
Walker walked into a pun.
That defense is a joke wall.
Trippier? Not trippin’ on these puns.
That was a blockbuster.
Playing from the back… of the joke book.
Clean sheets, dirty jokes.
No nonsense, all nonsense.
Tackling with wit.
🎯 Penalty Problems
Penalty? Prepare for heartbreak.
England and penalties: a tragicomedy.
Missed again? Classic.
Spot kicks, spotted punchlines.
Gareth still has flashbacks.
Pressure makes diamonds… or memes.
Who needs goals when you have gags?
Pen-ultimate pain.
VAR you kidding me?
They aim for the corner — of the stands.
🎬 VAR-tually Funny
VAR you serious?
That goal didn’t stand — but this joke does.
Pause for disappointment.
Reviewing the laugh.
The screen says “LOL.”
Ref needed a laugh break.
Offside by a pun.
Clear and obvious joke.
Technology: 1, Comedy: also 1.
VAR-nished hopes.
👕 Kit and Giggles
Best dressed = best jest.
That kit’s got punchline potential.
Nike? More like LMAO.
Threads and threads of humor.
Jersey boys, jokey boys.
That kit’s a classic — unlike that defense.
Stripes of sarcasm.
They’re wearing the laughs.
Crestfallen but stylish.
Win or kit trying.
🧳 Away Days, LOL Ways
England abroad = instant drama.
Czech yourself before you wreck yourself.
France? We surrender the jokes.
Travel light, pun heavy.
The fans came, they sang, they punned.
European tour: sponsored by memes.
Boarding pass to punchlines.
Goalposts move, jokes don’t.
Jet lag? Just more time for banter.
Bags packed with disappointment and hope.
🎙️ Press Conference Clowns
“We gave 110%.” Okay coach.
“We go again.” Yes, next year.
“The lads were brilliant.” Were they?
Media training or stand-up?
Southgate’s tie? Iconic.
“Not the result we wanted.” Duh.
Football clichés = gold mine.
Banter in boots.
Answers on loop, jokes on cue.
Pressed but never stressed.
🍻 Pub Banter Goals
Pub chat: England’s real strategy.
Screamed “shoot!” — from behind the sofa.
One pint = one hot take.
Loudest fans, least cardio.
Cheeky Nando’s and cheeky headers.
Pub quiz kings, real game flops.
Roaring after replays.
Beer > tactics.
That goal deserved a pint.
Banter per pint.
🤕 Injury Time Gags
Our hopes: pulled hamstring.
On the bench, but in the jokes.
ACL? Always Comic Laughs.
Out for the season, in for the puns.
Ice pack for the soul.
Hamstring? More like ham-jokes.
Limping but laughing.
This pun’s touch-and-go.
Injury updates + meme uploads.
Fitness tests and funniness checks.
🧊 Cool-Down Puns
Chill out — we’ve got jokes.
Cold shower after that defeat.
Frozen hopes, warm punchlines.
Icy puns, spicy takes.
Cooling down the drama.
Post-match jokes hit different.
Still sweating from laughing.
The cooler box holds more joy.
Cold feet, hot jokes.
Ice packs for roasted defenders.
🛋️ Couch Coach Commentary
“I would’ve picked a better squad.”
FIFA champ, real-life strategist.
The only tactical genius… on a sofa.
Chips, dips, hot takes.
Yelled “press!” from the recliner.
I’d manage better on Football Manager.
Sofa scouting reports.
Armchair analysis 101.
I got subs in the fridge and on the field.
Lazy punditry at its finest.
📱 Meme Team United
Southgate memes incoming.
Crying Jordan x Kane.
“It’s coming home” starter pack.
Group chat roasting: undefeated.
Memes > medals.
The internet never sleeps… especially after penalties.
The real match happens on Twitter.
Trending: heartbreak and hilarity.
Screenshots > scorelines.
The timeline’s on fire.
🔥 Hot Takes, Cold Results
“We could’ve won.”
“The ref ruined it!”
“If only…” – every England fan.
Takes hotter than Rashford’s free kicks.
Cold feet, spicy tweets.
Pundits and puns.
That sub? A sub-par decision.
More talk than walk.
Every fan’s a coach.
Opinions louder than the chants.
🔚 Full-Time Funny
That’s the final whistle… and the final giggle.
Injury time = pun time.
Whistle blows, humor flows.
Still laughing in the 98th minute.
No extra time for tears.
Hugs, subs, and puns.
Ref blew the game and our minds.
Closing the joke book — for now.
90 minutes, 200 puns.
We came, we joked, we VAR’d.
FAQs
1. Can I use these for pub quizzes?
Yes! Print them and let the banter begin.
2. Best pun for Harry Kane?
“Kane you believe it?!”
3. Are these jokes Euro 2024-safe?
Let’s just say they’ve been through worse.
4. What pun works for Gareth Southgate?
“Gareth South-gag.”
5. Any meme-worthy captions?
“It’s coming pun…”
6. Good jokes for Insta captions?
“Full-time fashion, half-time hope.”
7. Can I use these for a watch party flyer?
Absolutely. Add “It’s Coming Pun!” as the title.
8. What’s a fun VAR joke?
“VAR you serious?”
9. Clean enough for kids?
Yes! Football fun for the whole fam.
10. Where can I find more pun content?
Kick off your next laugh at PunsPlanet.com.
Conclusion
Win or lose, one thing England football always delivers is pure banter. From penalty shootout heartbreaks to player puns, the Three Lions never fail to entertain — on the pitch and in the punchlines.
Share this article, tag your pub crew, or drop your favorite in the group chat. When the game’s on the line, humor always wins.
For more all-star pun content, visit PunsPlanet.com — it’s always coming home (with jokes).
