265+ Hilariously Annoying Jokes That Will Drive Your Friends Crazy (In a Good Way!)

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

I’m on a seafood diet — I see food and I eat it.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

I know a lot of jokes about retired people… but none of them work.

I would tell you a construction joke, but I’m still working on it.

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.

I used to play piano by ear… but now I use my hands.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock…

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To tell the same joke for 100 years.

Are we there yet?

I’m not touching you. I’m not touching you.

Guess what? Chicken butt.

Hey… wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?

Did I tell you this joke already? Too bad, here it goes again.

Knock knock. (This goes on for hours.)

Did you say something? Because I’m still talking.

I’m not annoying. I’m just… consistent.

I used to be a baker… but I couldn’t make enough dough.

You hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearable.

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? He woke up.

I’m afraid for the calendar — its days are numbered.

You know what’s really odd? Numbers that aren’t divisible by 2.

I was going to tell you a time-travel joke, but you didn’t like it.

Parallel lines have so much in common… it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

If I ever lose my mind… I hope it’s somewhere interesting.

Why is it called “fast food” when it takes forever to digest?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it… was it doing a TikTok?

I think, therefore I overthink.

Can you be late if time isn’t real?

If nothing is impossible… is doing nothing impossible?

Are eyebrows facial mustaches?

Technically, we’re all time travelers… moving forward very slowly.

Is cereal soup?

If you clean a vacuum cleaner, aren’t you the vacuum cleaner?

I told my computer I needed a break… now it won’t start.

My pet rock ran away.

I poured root beer into a square cup. Now it’s just beer.

I accidentally swallowed food coloring — the doctor says I’m okay, but I feel dyed inside.

I once ate a clock. It was time-consuming.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went… then it dawned on me.

I told a joke about a broken pencil… but it had no point.

I can’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

I made a pun about the wind… but it blows.

I saw a baguette at the bank. It was a bread loan.

So this reminds me of a story. Okay, so 15 years ago—

I’m gonna interrupt you right there.

I know you didn’t ask, but—

Hold on, this is the best part! Wait. Wait…

That reminds me of my third cousin’s dog’s dentist.

I once talked for 20 minutes without breathing.

Can I tell you something? Too late, I’m telling you anyway.

I talk a lot because I listen to myself best.

Oh, you’re done? I was just getting started.

Let me over-explain this joke until it’s not funny.

I have the perfect joke… but it only works in leap years.

Did someone say lunch? It’s 2 AM.

That meme? I saw it last decade.

I laugh before the punchline — just to be ahead.

Knock knock! (interrupting cow) MOO.

I’ll tell you that joke again… right after this 17-minute story.

I misspoke… but I committed.

That joke would’ve been hilarious 3 minutes ago.

Hold on — I forgot the setup.

Okay, joke time… wait, phone call!

My dog’s name is Five Miles — so I can say I walk Five Miles every day.

I have a joke about pizza… never mind, it’s too cheesy.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer — I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping.

My name’s Cliff. Don’t push me.

I met a guy who’s cross-eyed — we didn’t see eye to eye.

I told a joke about a chair, but it didn’t stand up well.

I have a joke about elevators — it has its ups and downs.

I made a pun about soap, but it didn’t wash.

I’m pun-stoppable.

This joke goes on and on and on and—

It’s a long story… but it ends badly.

I used to be a… well, anyway—wait, what was I saying?

One time, in 1997—no, wait, it was 1998—

Have I told you this one before? Probably.

What do you call a—wait, I forgot—nope, I remember!

So THEN the duck says—

Okay, just one more part…

I promise, this is the last joke. Maybe.

Still going…

Why do ants never get sick? Because they have tiny ant-bodies.

I named my WiFi “ItHurtsWhenIPee.”

My pet potato is very emotional.

I once sneezed myself awake in a dream.

If you’re cold, go stand in the corner — it’s 90 degrees.

I yell at my cereal when it gets soggy.

My socks are arguing.

Do spiders have best friends?

If I were a vegetable, I’d be a rad-ish.

I once licked a doorknob… out of curiosity.

I’m not lying — I’m just horizontally honest.

You told me to hold my horses… I don’t own any.

You said “take a seat”… so I did. Home with me.

I was told to “get lost,” so I used Google Maps.

I put my two cents in — now I’m broke.

I was told to sleep on it, but the bed wasn’t big enough.

You said “say less” — so I said nothing.

I was asked to “chill,” so I stood in the freezer.

I “let that sink in” — and now there’s a literal sink in the hallway.

You told me to “bring something to the table,” so here’s a fork.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

I had a pun about vegetables, but it wasn’t very a-peel-ing.

I once had a joke about laundry… but it didn’t wash.

I love clean jokes. They leave a fresh scent of disappointment.

What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt.

This joke is rated PG: Pretty Groan-worthy.

I only tell jokes in bubble wrap — pop culture, if you will.

Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.

The joke about shampoo didn’t lather well.

Want a pun about plastic wrap? Nah, it’s a bit clingy.

Is this thing on?

I just flew in and, boy, are my arms tired!

Thank you, thank you — I’ll be here all week.

Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish!

I wrote this joke on a napkin, but I spilled soup on it.

Anyone here from out of town? No? Just me? Cool.

So I said to the waiter, “This soup tastes funny.”

Knock knock. No one? Okay, moving on.

Sweating profusely This is my therapy.

My mom said I was funny once… in 1998.

Just be yourself — unless you’re boring.

Follow your dreams — but only if they’re employed.

Everything happens for a reason… usually because you made a poor decision.

If life gives you lemons, squirt them in someone’s eye.

Trust the process — even when it’s clearly broken.

Love yourself. Even when no one else will.

You miss 100% of the naps you don’t take.

If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket… unless you like omelets.

Keep your chin up. You’ll walk into fewer walls.

I’m not touching you!

I’m not listening! La la la la!

Guess what? Poop.

I can burp the alphabet.

Made you look!

You’re it! No tag backs!

Knock knock. Who’s there? Interrupting cow—MOO!

Your face looks like a butt.

Why did the chicken fart? To stink up the room!

Wanna see my booger collection?

I’m not tired, I’m just blinking slowly.

I had a dream I was awake. I was wrong.

I tried to nap, but my brain threw a party.

I sleep like a baby — wake up screaming every 2 hours.

Yawn… did someone say jokes?

I count sheep, then argue with them.

My blanket is my therapist.

I tried sleepwalking — now I jog in my dreams.

Coffee is my blood type.

I dream of naps I’ll never have.

Sends 8 texts in a row

hey
you there?
hello???
read it!!!

When u gonna reply lol

I use “…” for everything… even when it’s not needed…

Sends meme with no context

I’m outside your house. JK! Or am I?

Typing… then nothing.

Sends voice note… that says “Call me.”

Autocorrect ruins lives

LOL = Lots of (overused) Laughter

I spilled water. My life is OVER.

This hangnail? Basically fatal.

I texted them… and they said “k.” I’m ruined.

My pen ran out of ink. I can never write again.

I dropped my fries. Send thoughts and prayers.

My playlist shuffled wrong. sobs

My sock has a hole. This is the end.

The microwave beeped too loud. I’m done.

I asked for extra ketchup. Extra.

Someone took my charger. This is war.

Why did the gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken!

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!

Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!

I used to have a job at a calendar factory… but I got fired for taking a few days off.

What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.

Where do cows go on vacation? Moo York.

How do you organize a space party? You planet.

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

This joke is self-aware… and disappointed.

You ever read a joke that knows it’s a joke?

I’m a pun inside a pun — call it a pun-ception.

This joke is under construction.

Please laugh. The joke has feelings.

I told this joke to myself. I didn’t laugh either.

I tried writing a joke, but the joke wrote me.

This space intentionally left punny.

This is the punchline. You missed the setup.

This entire article is just one long joke… and you’re still reading it.