235+ Hilarious Red Flag Jokes That Everyone Can Relate To

Dating Dealbreakers

1. “I don’t like pizza.” 🚩

2. “I don’t believe in sleep.” 🚩

3. They clap when the plane lands. 🚩

4. They refer to their ex as “the one that got away.” 🚩

5. Their favorite movie is The Purge. All of them. 🚩

6. They own no books, not even a menu. 🚩

7. Their biggest goal in life is to “go viral.” 🚩

8. Their ringtone is Crazy Frog. 🚩

9. “All my exes are crazy.” 🚩

10. They said, “You remind me of my mom.” 🚩

Food Red Flags

1. “I microwave fish at work.” 🚩

2. They don’t salt their pasta water. 🚩

3. “Ketchup is a spice.” 🚩

4. They dip fries in water. 🚩

5. “I only eat raw onions.” 🚩

6. They store bread in the fridge on purpose. 🚩

7. Their fridge is just hot sauce and regret. 🚩

8. They hate chocolate but love black licorice. 🚩

9. They call cereal “soup.” 🚩

10. “I’ve never had a taco.” 🚩

Roommate Red Flags

1. They say “I don’t believe in doors.” 🚩

2. They vacuum at midnight. 🚩

3. They borrow clothes… and never give them back. 🚩

4. “The mold gives the food flavor.” 🚩

5. They talk to your plants more than to you. 🚩

6. They set ten alarms and snooze every one. 🚩

7. “You don’t need hot water.” 🚩

8. They unplug the fridge “to save energy.” 🚩

9. They named all their mugs. 🚩

10. “I thought rent was optional.” 🚩

Friendship Red Flags

1. “I only hang out when I need something.” 🚩

2. They text “wyd” at 2:45 a.m. 🚩

3. They forget your birthday—but remember your WiFi password. 🚩

4. “I’m brutally honest.” (Mostly brutal.) 🚩

5. They start every sentence with “No offense…” 🚩

6. They call your parents by their first names. 🚩

7. They never Venmo you back. 🚩

8. “Let’s split the bill” — after ordering lobster. 🚩

9. They one-up everything. 🚩

10. “You’re like a sibling to me.” 🚩

Social Media Red Flags

1. They still use filters from 2014. 🚩

2. They post hourly gym selfies. 🚩

3. Their bio says “CEO of vibes.” 🚩

4. They repost their own birthday wishes. 🚩

5. They use #blessed on every post—even complaints. 🚩

6. All caps, no context. 🚩

7. “DM for promos” but has 12 followers. 🚩

8. They follow 10,000 people and know none of them. 🚩

9. They tweet “just woke up” daily. 🚩

10. Their highlight reel is just them eating fries.

Hobbies That Scream 🚩

1. “My hobby is arguing online.” 🚩

2. Collects teeth. Human or not, doesn’t specify. 🚩

3. Writes Yelp reviews… for vending machines. 🚩

4. Reenacts The Office scenes daily. 🚩

5. “I like to rank my exes for fun.” 🚩

6. Builds furniture at 3 a.m. 🚩

7. “I make playlists for breakups… in advance.” 🚩

8. Collects traffic cones “as a passion.” 🚩

9. Takes pictures of people using their phones. 🚩

10. Writes jokes about red flags. (Wait a minute…) 🚩

Dating App Red Flags

1. Profile pic is blurry… on purpose. 🚩

2. Bio: “Just looking for someone to pay my bills.” 🚩

3. “Must love drama.” 🚩

4. Uses more emojis than words. 🚩

5. Lists height in inches. 🚩

6. Bio says “I’m not like other people.” 🚩

7. “Let’s go on an adventure” = nowhere near adventurous. 🚩

8. Every photo is a car selfie. 🚩

9. Still has a profile pic with their ex cropped out. 🚩

10. They unmatched you for typing “lol.”

Work Behavior 🚩

1. “I’m not late—I’m time-flexible.” 🚩

2. Eats loud snacks in meetings. 🚩

3. Sends “urgent” emails at 4:59 p.m. 🚩

4. Thinks Excel formulas are “too corporate.” 🚩

5. Always on break—never on task. 🚩

6. Steals lunches labeled with names. 🚩

7. Forgets every deadline but remembers office gossip. 🚩

8. Replies all… always. 🚩

9. Thinks “team building” means group trauma. 🚩

10. Microwaves fish… again.

Personality 🚩 Pack

1. “I’m an empath” — right after ghosting you. 🚩

2. Laughs during serious moments. 🚩

3. Needs constant validation… and your fries. 🚩

4. Makes everything a competition. 🚩

5. “I just like chaos.” 🚩

6. Never apologizes. Justifies everything. 🚩

7. “You’re too sensitive.” 🚩

8. Has strong opinions on fonts. 🚩

9. Turns every conversation into a therapy session—for you. 🚩

10. Collects “enemies” like trading cards. 🚩

Pop Culture Red Flags

1. Thinks Ross from Friends was the hero. 🚩

2. Watches Fight Club “for the lessons.” 🚩

3. Has a Joker tattoo… or energy. 🚩

4. Thinks “Twilight” is peak literature. 🚩

5. Says Breaking Bad is “just okay.” 🚩

6. Doesn’t know who Beyoncé is. 🚩

7. Thinks every Pixar movie is “just for kids.” 🚩

8. Watched The Notebook and sided with the fiancé. 🚩

9. “Marvel peaked with Thor 2.” 🚩

10. Prefers reboots to originals—on principle. 🚩

Red Flags in the Car 🚩

1. They parallel park with their eyes closed. 🚩

2. “Seatbelts are just suggestions.” 🚩

3. Drives 10 mph over… in a school zone. 🚩

4. Uses the horn like it’s Morse code. 🚩

5. Refuses to use turn signals — “Why give them the advantage?” 🚩

6. Their car smells like fast food and fear. 🚩

7. Yells at GPS like it’s a person. 🚩

8. Has 47 things hanging from the rearview mirror. 🚩

9. “I drive better when I’m mad.” 🚩

10. Brakes only when emotions are involved. 🚩

Holiday Behavior That Screams 🚩

1. “Halloween is for amateurs.” 🚩

2. Brings nothing to the potluck — takes leftovers home. 🚩

3. Hates gifts but expects one. 🚩

4. Plays Christmas music in July… loudly. 🚩

5. Says “New Year, same me” with pride. 🚩

6. Tells the kids Santa isn’t real—on Christmas morning. 🚩

7. “Thanksgiving is just midweek carbs.” 🚩

8. Makes “resolutions” for others. 🚩

9. Hosts a holiday party, forgets to invite anyone. 🚩

10. Decorates in November… and never takes it down. 🚩

Family Gathering Red Flags

1. Asks, “So, when are you getting married?” at every meal. 🚩

2. Thinks politics are perfect dinner talk. 🚩

3. Shows up empty-handed, leaves with Tupperware. 🚩

4. Brings up your high school GPA. 🚩

5. Tries to turn game night into a therapy session. 🚩

6. Says “I don’t see the point of dessert.” 🚩

7. Brags about waking up at 4 a.m. 🚩

8. Makes “jokes” that require apologies. 🚩

9. Believes their stuffing recipe is sacred law. 🚩

10. Forgets your birthday but remembers your worst breakup.

Texting Red Flags

1. Leaves you on read… for eternity. 🚩

2. “lol” after every message. Even serious ones. 🚩

3. Replies in voice notes only. 🚩

4. Sends 6 texts back-to-back with no punctuation. 🚩

5. Typing bubbles for 12 minutes. Sends “k.” 🚩

6. Screenshots everything. 🚩

7. Texts “wyd” instead of “hello.” 🚩

8. Ghosts, then texts “u up?” at 2 a.m. 🚩

9. Only uses gifs… of themselves. 🚩

10. Still uses the 😛 emoji unironically. 🚩

First Date Red Flags

1. Talks about their ex… the entire time. 🚩

2. Refers to their dog as their child—and shows birth photos. 🚩

3. Orders for you without asking. 🚩

4. “I don’t believe in tipping.” 🚩

5. Forgets your name mid-date. 🚩

6. Shows up 45 minutes late—with iced coffee. 🚩

7. Complains about everything on the menu. 🚩

8. Says, “We should’ve just FaceTimed.” 🚩

9. Tells you their five-year plan… for your life. 🚩

10. Tries to split the check… by vibes.

Music & Playlist Red Flags

1. “All I listen to is dubstep… from 2011.” 🚩

2. Thinks “Shuffle” is a lifestyle. 🚩

3. Only listens to breakup songs—happily. 🚩

4. Criticizes your taste before you hit play. 🚩

5. Still bumps ringtone remixes. 🚩

6. Has one playlist titled “Misc. Sadness Vol. 4.” 🚩

7. Judges you for knowing the lyrics. 🚩

8. Calls vinyl “too mainstream.” 🚩

9. Refuses to play music from any decade but the 80s. 🚩

10. Makes playlists based on zodiac signs. Yours is empty.

Fashion Choices That Scream 🚩

1. Wears socks with sandals—and defends it. 🚩

2. Calls cargo shorts “versatile.” 🚩

3. Their whole wardrobe is graphic tees from 2008. 🚩

4. Says, “This shirt hasn’t been washed in years!” 🚩

5. Wears sunglasses indoors… always. 🚩

6. Hates jeans. Owns 7 pairs of the same sweatpants. 🚩

7. Thinks Crocs are formalwear. 🚩

8. Ironing? Never heard of her. 🚩

9. Believes flip-flops belong at weddings. 🚩

10. Asks, “What’s wrong with this fedora?”

Communication Style 🚩

1. Overuses “just saying.” 🚩

2. Starts every sentence with “Actually…” 🚩

3. Interrupts their own stories. 🚩

4. Thinks sarcasm is a love language. 🚩

5. “You wouldn’t get it” is their catchphrase. 🚩

6. Talks in riddles… but not well. 🚩

7. Overexplains obvious things. 🚩

8. Yells “facts” after saying anything. 🚩

9. Answers questions with questions. 🚩

10. Constantly quotes people no one’s heard of.

Lifestyle & Daily Routine Red Flags

1. Has zero pillows. Sleeps on hope. 🚩

2. Doesn’t drink water—“too bland.” 🚩

3. Lives off energy drinks and frozen pizza. 🚩

4. Uses 3-in-1 soap for everything—hair, body, dishes. 🚩

5. No alarm clock—just chaos. 🚩

6. Keeps their toothbrush in their bag. 🚩

7. Doesn’t believe in laundry day. 🚩

8. Says “I shower when I feel spiritually dirty.” 🚩

9. Brags about never needing sleep. 🚩

10. “I don’t eat breakfast… or lunch… or rules.”

Self-Described Personality 🚩

1. “I’m brutally honest.” (But mostly brutal.) 🚩

2. “I’m the villain in everyone’s story.” 🚩

3. “People can’t handle my energy.” 🚩

4. “I speak fluent sarcasm.” 🚩

5. “I’m a Scorpio. That explains everything.” 🚩

6. “I cause chaos… for fun.” 🚩

7. “I’m too smart for small talk.” 🚩

8. “I only trust animals.” 🚩

9. “Empath, but selectively.” 🚩

10. “I hate everyone equally.” 🚩